Why You Keep Playing the Hero Instead of Building Leaders

Most managers don’t become bottlenecks because they love control. They become bottlenecks because stepping in feels faster and safer than letting someone else figure it out.

A direct report walks in with a half-formed problem. You can see the answer. You’re already tired and want to keep things moving. So you tell them what to say, send the email yourself, or take over the conversation. In the moment, it feels helpful.

Over time, it quietly teaches a different lesson. They learn that their job is to bring you problems, not solutions. They learn that if they hesitate long enough, you will step in. They learn that your approval matters more than their own judgment. You get a short-term win and a long-term cost. You stay busy. They stay dependent. You both stay stuck.

What makes it tricky is that the difference between solving and coaching is often five minutes. In both versions, you’re in the room. In both versions, you care about the outcome. In one, you give them the answer and move on. In the other, you slow down just enough to let them think.

That version sounds like asking, “What have you already tried?” or “What are you leaning toward and why?” or “If I were not here, what would you do next?” You focus on the questions long enough for them to do their own work. You help them with their thinking instead of replacing it with yours. You let them own the next step and the outcome.

It definitely will feel slower at times. You won’t get every situation right either. Sometimes you may step in more than you needed to. Sometimes you’ll wish you had drawn a clearer line. But over a few weeks or a quarter, those small choices add up. You either train your team to wait for you, or you train them to think at the level you want them to operate.

For senior leaders, this isn’t just a communication style. It’s a capacity decision. If you keep being the hero, you’ll always be the one people run to. Your calendar will stay full of decisions someone else is already being paid to make. Your future leadership will struggle with ownership and critical decision making.

If you looked back at your last week, how many “let me just do it” moments were truly necessary? And what would change for you if you stayed in the conversation long enough for someone else to build the judgment you want them to have?